Ever have one of those evenings...

...when you are cleaning or reorganizing or something, take a mental inventory of all the stuff you have accumulated in a given amount of time...

...and completely feel overwhelmed and disconnected from it all?

I posted some photos the other day on skullbrain after starting to reorganize my Detolf of the hideous mess I had created in our bonus room.

I beared down and started cleaning up this clutter. I moved shelves around, finshed the installation of lights, decided what went where.

There is still more to do even now, but when I look at my space and my things, i am feeling burnt out, broke, and overwhelmed by too much still.

What is it in me that keeps me buying this stuff when i am going to look at it in a few months and not feel good about it? It was like this before toys came back into the picture, and it probably will be if they ever go away.

The feeling is on and off with me. I have had it before. When a lot of bills are due, it brings it on for instance. There are other times I will look at the toys one by one and I really like them... and it is hard to let go. I feel like something should change though. Something fun shouldn't stress me out like this.

One thing I have found is that my stupid little photo stories make me enjoy my toys in a new way. They are like the grown up version of playing with them I suppose. This blog too.

While buying the toys feeds some weird anxiety in me that constantly opens my wallet, arranging them, photographing, telling stories, and those sorts of things provide a creative outlet. I really like the feedback I get on them... having people laugh and look forward to more... or compliment me on a setup or a story... validates it all.

It's a constant seesaw with this hobby I have found so far. I am still looking for that proper balance.